Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
