three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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