And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
