My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I fill condoms, not promises.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
