Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize