none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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