It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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