two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
