Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
