There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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