If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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