i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Come on in and take your pants off
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