The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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