Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
