im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
