Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
