Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
