I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize