I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
