did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
