i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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