You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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