no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
