She announced her abortion via fbk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize