why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
