I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can you bring me the toilet please
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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