he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
