Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
