Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
