How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there was a trapeze. enough said
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
