I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
