omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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