i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
