party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
pop tarts are not kleenex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
