So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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