It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
