I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize