You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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