Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
