One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
