Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
