I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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