i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
