I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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