Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
