I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we're so committed to being not committed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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