atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
