Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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