Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize