you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
