You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
