He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
