I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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