I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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