shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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