this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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