Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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