she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize