So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
