she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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