he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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