We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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