On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
