Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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