FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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