Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
