you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize