so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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