I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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