Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
