Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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