i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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