Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize