IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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