I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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