between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
