I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
