Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
