can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
