Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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