i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He did a backflip because drugs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
