we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize