Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
