if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
