I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bring money and cleavage
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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