I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
