a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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