end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
