PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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