There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
