A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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