you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize