Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
