i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
